if you really knew me...

"If You Really Knew Me..." is a newer tv show on MTV. It is actually one show on MTV that isn't raunchy or disgusting. It has moral to it. It's ethical. I decided this would be a good post for me to do to "confess" who I really am.

If you really knew me, you'd know I'm a "closet geek." I love school and love to learn (guess that comes with being a future teacher). But in high school, I didn't want to be classified as a "geek." So, I made fun of the smart kids and the kids whose pants were short and wore glasses. On the inside, I am that kid. I didn't want to portray that. I had to keep up my "popular" girl classification.

If you really knew me, you would know I'm overly confident on the outside to hide my self-conciousness on the inside. No, I don't really think I'm the "coolest" or am that "hott," just because I say it doesn't mean it's how I really feel.

If you really knew me, you'd know I've never had a boyfriend. A real boyfriend who brings you flowers and takes you on dates who you kiss at the door for 15 minutes before going inside and writing in your journal (or blog) about the wonderful night. No, I've always been the friend guys come to for advice. I don't mind that at all. I love all my guy friends. But if you really knew me, you'd know for once I don't want to be "one of the guys;" I want to be the girl my guy friend's come to me for advice about.

If you really knew me, you'd know I love rap. I don't listen to it like I used to, but I still deeply in my heart love it. I think I always will. It's a real skill and talent to be able to rap.

If you really knew me, you'd know I just got saved a few years ago. I truly became a Christian, one of God's children in October 2007. If you really knew me, you'd know I grew up in church and thought I was saved as a child, but I wasn't. If you really knew me, you'd know I'm not perfect, but I strive to be like Him (although I fail every day, minute, second).

If you really knew me, you'd know I was mean to kids in high school to make other people laugh so people wouldn't laugh at me but with me. If you really knew me, you would know I regret that I hurt those innocent people. I don't regret anything in life except this.

If you really knew me, you would know I don't share my thoughts or feelings (about love) with anyone unless I need advice. You'd know I pray about my future husband more than anything else.

If you really knew me, you would know I cry easily and about everything. Songs can make me tear up with a blink of an eye. Movies too.

If you really knew me, you would know I have a trust issue. You'd know it's not that I don't trust people, but that I trust people too much. I am naive and believe almost anything someone says.

If you really knew me, you would know I love my life even though I complain a lot.

So what would people think if they really knew you?